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At Home with Ailsa -- March, 2006.

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Monday, March 27th, 2006. Hey, Baby! How you doin', a'day? Me? I'm slightly fed up with all the cleaning you have to do for House Showings when you're selling with a Realtor. This is our first 'kick at the cat', so-to-speak, selling a Home with a Realtor -- usually we just sell on our own, but now that we have a Giant House out in the Country, it's a whole other story. We were supposed to have a Showing on Saturday, the same day we had a Dinner Party planned, and the Real Estate people cancelled, but we didn't find out 'til we got home. Incredibly annoying. And time consuming. Ah, well. I think the Realtor Path is the best path for us to be on, right now, so I'll just keep cleaning, and hopefully I'll be able to start packing soon enough.

Here's a new Home Selling trend that's just started happening in Calgary -- Home Auctions, with a Real Auctioneer 'n everything. Cool, eh? I love that idea. A Seller puts their Home on the Market, then potential Buyers all gather around to bid on the home. It seems to work best with a Moderately priced home, but it might be worth a try with Higher priced homes, as well, and mostly in areas with a really hot Real Estate Market.

I think if I were going to try this (not with this house, but maybe with the next one, which will definitely be a lot smaller and waaaay less expensive, thus easy to sell...), I would Advertise the House Auction Date, then have an Open House on the property for two consecutive weekends before the Auction, then hold the Auction. I'm thinking that having a Real Auctioneer is fun but not necessary, since you could easily do that yourself. Just take the Highest Offer. Or the Highest Offer with the least number of Conditions, if any. That's one of the issues some people have with a Home Auction, since often the Buyer takes the Home 'As Is', so it's a Buyer Beware situation. If you know your market, though, you have your wits about you and you are realistic about how much it might cost to do Renovations on an older home, I say, go for it. I hope you win. And if you're selling this way, drop me a line and let us all know how it went, and how much you made -- we all want to know!

So did you see The Sopranos, last night? Man, there's hardly any time to breathe during that show. I looove the in-fighting, and the bizarrely casual way they deal with all their loot after some heinous crime. It's like the Big Picture is gone for them, and all the petty little things have taken over, like whether to give Carmella the Hundred Grand or not, which is finally settled when it looks like Tony's gonna live, and they don't want any retribution... and I loved the whole 'Writer's Group', like no other Writer's Group anywhere else. Well, hopefully they aren't like that. 'Do a good job or we'll kill ya' -- now that's enough pressure to write all sorts of great material! ha,ha!

The thing that's great about The Sopranos is that even though everybody has something awful to hide, you really like them, and care about the characters. Unlike that stooopid Desperate Housewives, which I'm really starting to dislike. They should move it to another night, so it's not on right up against The Sopranos and Big Love, since it pales in comparison. Here I used to love Desperate Housewives, but now each and every character is nothing short of annoying -- a real group of Bee-otches. Lynette gettin' all up in the other woman's Nursing business -- Gaaawd, that's annoying. How long any woman Nurses her baby is entirely up to her and the baby, not some bee-otch at the office. Ugh. There's not one nice, and not ludicrously stupid, girl on that show, anymore.

Oh, that reminds me -- have you ever heard theat phrase, "She has the Shoulders of a Nursing Woman"? Well, that just means everything from the waist up is enormous, and that definitely applied to me during the nusing years... which reminds me -- I'd better make room in my day for the Gym, try to get my arms a little slimmer... but not everything. Some things are still workin' for me, so I'll have to choose my exercises carefully!

Okay, better get going for now... didn't even get to tell you about Dwight's new obsession with buying yet another Dirt Bike, because if there's one more thing we need, it's more Dirt Bikes. Because he might go riding between now and 2010, and it's good to be prepared. I said to him, on his way out to buy 'said bike', "Since we're spending money like it's water, I should start looking for some new jewelry", and amazingly, Dwight said that was a good idea. Luckily, he didn't buy the bike, so I don't have to start looking for new Earrings, but now that the idea is planted, I might have a wee look around in case there's something I canny resist!

Thanks for popping in for a wee visit, today! It's great the way your one eye can really keep focussed while you're reading -- love that in an eye! And it still leaves the other one free to look about for attractive onlookers... Anyway, I gots to go. Love, Laughter, Big Money, What else? Oh, yeah, and Happiness! Ailsa xox

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Monday, March 20th, 2006. Hello, there, L'il Sumptuous. (Wonder why you chose a name like that for yourself, and am I the only one who has to call you that, or do all the neighbors and co-workers have to say it, too? Is that yo' Rapper Name, and if so, is it written in Gold on a necklace currently hanging around your neck? Yes, I thought so, I was just asking...) Anyway, Happy Spring!! Yippee, in a mere matter of months, the snow will be gone and the grass might turn green. Can't wait! Normally I change all the 'Faux Flowers' in the house to reflect the different Seasons, but it seems funny to put out the Spring Wreath when the snow is still on the Winter Wreath that's on the Front Door right now. Oh, I know what you're thinking, and aside from the fact that you might want to cut back on the swearing, I do have a full life. Very busy. Full of Wreaths and stuff...

So did you see The Sopranos, last night? Man, that's some seriously good TV. God, Jesus, Heaven, two Buddhist Priests and Kev - Infinity... wow, so heavy. Dwight was disappointed that he didn't get to see a few murders, since apparently that's his favorite part (that and the Ba Da Bing Club...), but I really enjoyed it. Interesting that they gave Tony a whole other identity and family in his Coma-induced dreams. Great writing -- no wonder it took them so long to make the new Series -- worth every second, from what we've seen so far! Oh, and did you love the one-upmanship with all the Mobsters with the gifts for Tony? A whole stack of CD Players in his Hospital room -- too funny! What'ya think of the possible link they're drawing between The Mob and Terrorism? Scary, eh? I hadn't even thought of that, before. Leave it to The Sopranos to bring some brand new thoughts into yer head! And how long before A.J. tries to do in Uncle Junior, the old nut?? Canny wait 'til next Sunday!

Normally we would watch Desperate Housewives (Disparate Mousewives, I prefer...), but it was a repeat, last night, so we switched back to Showtime where all the 'adult Shows' live, to check out that new Series, Big Love. Have you seen it? All about Polygamy (no, it's not a Glue, although there might be some sniffing involved...), which is not nearly as easy as it sounds. Dwight said he would never, ever want three wives (well, not at the same time...). According to Dwight, one wife is plenty, and then some... (is he talking about meee??). I don't know how the Husband would know which house he would go to, and on which day, given that he had the three wives, each with their own home. Dwight says, "Who could afford three mortgages?" He's a pragmatist, at best. Interesting wee show, though, so it'll be interesting if they find a new time-slot for Desperate Housewives, which has become a bit annoying, what with a multitude of Aggressive Acts and not one person caught or punished... women don't like that....Personally, I like to see swift and immediate deterrents to crime, like on The Sopranos... I'm just lovely and forgiving like that! ha,ha,ha,ha!

Oooh, almost forgot to tell you that Cara, my lovely 17 year old Daughter, got to Scotland safely, after a harrowing go-through at Heathrow. Man, that's a terrible Airport. I don't know why some Airports can be so easy to manoeuvre, and others have to be so difficult. I thought the Travel Industry was trying to make it easier for Travelers, not more difficult... I think the problems started at the Calgary Airport where we got her tickets from that new little Passport Machine that spits out a couple of wee slips of paper with a tiny amount of information about your Flights and ZERO information about your Boarding Gates. So stupid. Wonder what Top Executive came up with that idea? Well, the idea itself is good, but they need to write the Boarding Gates for each Flight (including any and all Connector Flights) in Bold Print on each Ticket. And use a Universal Flight Name and Number. I know -- it's Rocket Science, and here all the Rocket Scientists are at NASA.

Here's my Travel Tip, then: When you go to the Airport, and you've got an e-ticket coming to you, make sure there's no one around you to distract you from the tiny computer screen, and write down every tiny bit of information you see on the screen. Take extra care to see if you can spot your Boarding Gates, because apparently, that's classified information not to be shared with Travellers.

Poor Cara did all the right things, like asking the correct Airport Staff to help her find her Boarding Gate at Heathrow (London), and she was sent to the wrong Boarding Gate, put on the wrong Plane, taken off that plane, then sent back to where she first started, and it didn't sound like there was much of an apology. By the time Cara got on the right plane, she was livid. Livid. Mad, too. The only lesson there is, I suppose, it's better to get mad and keep your wits about you than to fall apart in tears, like I'm more likely to have done! Anyway, we're hoping she has a great time in Scotland (Hi, Cara!!), and gets to see her own face in so many of our Relatives. And to eat lots of lovely Scottish Sweeties, too!

Where has the time gone?? Must run! Still have to switch out those Fake Fleurs... Thanks for swingin' by, today! I always love a wee visit. Next time, if you don't mind, maybe you could bring the Jumbo Box of Wine, and not empty like the last time... you can only forgive that type of Guest ten or twenty times, then you have to start drawing the line on that one...! ha,ha,ha! Much Love, Laughter, Money, Romance, Luck... what else would you like? Whatever you like, Baby, just ask and it's yours (from what I understand, The Universe will be delivering it, not me -- I'm saving my monies for a New House!!) Ailsa

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Tuesday, March 14th, 2006. (I'm checking to see if this will 'Save' to the site -- very annoying Webmistress problem...)

Ugh. Some incredibly annoying thing is happening with my Site, this morning. Something, no doubt, that I won't be able to solve all by myself, which makes me want to just shut the computer off and go eat some chocolate. Of course, many, many things make me want to 'just go and eat some chocolate', but computer issues really make me feel like that... Anyway, speaking of perhaps eating too much chocolate, here's one of the potential conversations you can have after that, if you're just lucky enough to be ME! And I don't tell you this story to make all the girls out there J-E-L-O-S (think Bill Cosby in a Jello Ad...!), but here's what happened when I finally got my New Dresses from Frederick's of Hollywood:

So I gets me my dresses, and I'm really excited. It's taken a really, really long time for these lovely garments to cross the Canadian Border, mostly because (I'm guessing here, but I think I'm right, as usual...) the Border Guards are clearly trying on the outfits. I don't mind so much, since maybe they'll stretch them out a bit, and they'll fit me all the better... Anyhoo, one of the Dresses is a Streeeetch Velvet, and that looked great, but the other one had a 'Butterfly Back', which turned out to mean that it had this thing on the back shaped like a butterfly. When I tried that dress on, the lovely Dwight says, "Oh, is that a BUTTERFLY?? The way it's stretched out like that, I couldn't tell WHAT it was." Oh, don't cry, girls. He might be available soon enough, so stay tuned... Begs the question, "Who needs enemies when you're married?"

To be fairerer to Dwight, the Butterfly Dress did look pretty bad, if you looked at it from the side or the back. If I could just stand straight and skirt the edge of a room, it might work out better... that seems like a giant hassle, so instead I'm going to give it to my lovely and slim daughter, Cara, who should be arriving in Scotland any second, now. She left last night, and she'll be visiting with my Mum & Dad for a few weeks, getting to know her 'Roots'. All very exciting. Well worth taking those Summer School Courses during High School, since they allowed her to Graduate from High School early, and get a wee bit of travelling in before heading off to College or University (two separate things in Canada). Oooh, I hope Cara brings me back a big swack of Scottish Chocolates and assorted Sweeties! (Now where is my mind, today??)

Oh, you know those new Spanx things (not Spanks, and don't, for God's Sake, type that into your Search Bar, or you might come up with some things that have nothing at all to do with new-wave girdles...)? Well, I thought I found some 'Canadian Spanx', since I couldn't find the ones that Ellen DeGeneres was talking about on her show the other day, so I bought the ones that I thought looked about right. Only they looked squishy, so I got the XL pair. I want it to work, but I don't want anything to be uncomfortable -- that's how committed I am to Fashion. I tried them on when I got home, and frankly, they didn't hold anything in at all, and were mostly like a giant pair of extremely comfy Granny Panties. So I'll probably never wear them, again. (Can you see a running theme of all the stuff I buy, try on, never wear again? Enough to buy a new house -- or maybe a large Door for a new house...)

Okay, I guess I better go clean the house before I try to get to the Gym. I figure that if I am gonna get into 'Madonna Shape' (Thanks a lot, Madonna, for looking so great at 47...), I'd better hit the gym a few more times before I get there, so that's (I'm trying to do the math in my head, so read slowly...), let's see... I'm 43 now, and so that's... 4 years between now and me at 47, so I have to go to the gym at least 4 or 5 times between now and then... anyway, maybe I'll go today, get that pesky workout out of the way so I can enjoy the Spring. Gotta run (and I mean that, of course, figuratively speaking...)! Love, Laughter and Plenty of Money & Treats, Ailsa xox (It's not like we don't know each other...)

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Friday, March 3rd, 2006. Hello, Dear. Dearie. My wee Dearie... can you tell I'm getting ready for my upcoming Birthday? Yes, I'll be so very old, that I'll now have to start calling everyone 'Dear'. Actually, that crazy Dwight called me 'Dear' once (just once...), years ago, and I quickly set him straight that I will only answer to that from a Parent, or someone else I have in a position of Respect, so that ain't him, unfortunately... plus, they should be at least 20 years my senior, and I must never have dated or contemplated dating them... see how that works? And I hate that phrase, "Yes, Dear", said by Dwight to shut me up, I'm sure. Like that would work... Anyway, Hello, Dear. Come on and whip your shoes off, put on your comfy slippers and I'll make you a cup of tea.

Okay, so that said, I don't really think I'm old, at all. Not at all. I'm very excited about me birfday, and not just for the Free Drinks, neither -- I've been married for years, so the drinks have been free all that time... they should put that right in the Vows, and more people would rush to the Alter. Maybe. Do you drink more because you're married? See how philosophical I am getting in my advanced years?? ha,ha,ha! Are all Philosophers bitter? These are the things I need to find out.

I've been reading More Letters from a Nut (Extra Nutty), by "Ted L.Nancy". I put Ms. Ted's name in quotation marks because I think they are all secretly written by Jerry Seinfeld...(is there a Chatroom dedicated to that sneaking suspicion, or is it just me?? I don't get how chatrooms work, and can't be bothered finding out - I tried once on what I thought was a Travel Chatroom, to see if anyone had ever successfully purchased and used Tickets from an Auction Site, but some idiot kept writing '2 scoops for U', or some crazy thing like that, and I didn't have a clue what that meant, so I never tried again, having learned my lesson that I don't understand internet slang... and if you know what that means, or if it's some filthy thing I've just written and now I'm blocked from AOL, for God's Sake let me know so I can use it in my real life...! ya'ha,ha!). One way or another, those are some of the funniest books I've ever read. I looove when 'Ted' gets a reply to his crazy letters addressed, "Dear Madam", and 'Ms. Ted L.Nancy'. Oh, I laugh and laugh...

Speaking of funny books and my birthday, almost every year I have to buy my own gifts, or at least pick them out and hand them to Dwight to go and buy, hopefully wrap, then I make like I'm surprised when I open them, "Oh, how did you know?!", because he doesn't... and how many years has it been? Ah, well. I'm sure I'm not the only wife who buys her own gifts... but Dwight did bring home the 'correct' chocolates for my birthday next week -- Dark Chocolate with Nuts. Me fave. Hope they're not moldy, like the last time... and the same Chocolate Shop sells delicious Caramel Apples, so there's one waiting for me in the fridge, right now. I'm using it as a 'writing incentive', since I was a reluctant writer, today, so I had to make myself a little deal that I could have the Caramel Apple in the Sunroom right after I write my Weekly Update. I'm quite easily fooled, so here am writing...

Back to the funny books -- when we were at Chapters Bookstore on the weekend, right after we saw Nanny McPhee (hilarious 'Hmffs' and very, very sweet, so go see it even if you can't comandeer some children into going with you..), I found a new Dave Barry Book, Everything you need to know about money, like why there's a giant eye on the dollar bill... and hard-pressing issues like that. I'm making that up, slightly, because Dwight has actually put the books and chocolate away in some hidey place, so I can't check the title, but I'll let you know all about it next week, afer I've read it.

There was another one Cara found that I thought looked really funny, 'If We Break Up, This Book Belongs to Me'. seems apropos, don't you think? (I don't think, either -- just gets me into a whole lot of trouble, it seems...) Anyhoo, Dwight was all mad because the books were sooo expensive. "Why do people need to buy more books?", says Dwightie. A non-reader. Surely I have enough already, no? That's why I like to buy my Books, CDs and DVDs online -- much cheaper, but you have to wait forever in Canada to get them, so it was a matter of buying the books on the spot, or missing my birthday, which would cost him about half of all his stuff. Far more expensive than the books. See what a good deal they were, now?

You know what I missed last week? The Apprentice. On account of it was on opposite Craig Ferguson's Late, Late Show, and I canny miss that. Plus, I didn't care for the mean old letter from The Donald over to Martha. That seemed a bit much. And when it was on earlier, it was up against The Bachelor, and I had to see who won the Ring. I mean, who earned the Ring. On a chain. Oh, the Romance. I think there's an entire series of Harlequin Romance Novels about a Girl Receiving a Beautiful Ring on a Chain. Chained Love, I think it's called. Something like that. He's too much of a commitment-phobe to put the ring on her actual finger, so rather than leave the ring behind, he presents it casually as a pendant. Every girl's dream. Entertaining, though. Hey, in light of all the crap that poor ol' Susan had to put up with, wouldn't it be hilarious if Dr. Travis (Travis-T, the new Rapper name I gave him, to keep myself amused...) ended up in Hollywood? Oh, I'd love that. That would really appeal to my somewhat warped sense of humor.

One day, sometime soon, I'm going to write a Spring Cleaning page. First I'll have to do the Spring Cleaning -- luckily, they said on the News, last night, that Spring won't arrive in Canada at least until the end of April or late in May, so I'm off the hook 'til then. Not the writing part, just the cleaning bit... we'll see what Dwight has to say about that. He loves to to think of me cleaning and cooking all day -- ha,ha,ha! How do you spell d-e-l-u-s-i-o-n??

Quick Cleaning Tip: Okay, so now I feel guilty from the last mean thing I said -- wonder if Donald Trump had pangs of guilt, too, right after the Low Ratings came in... anyway, here's your quick Cleaning Tip, and it really does make things a wee bit easier, and perhaps you'll be more likely to clean the bathrooms more often... Keep a pile of Large Garbage Bags in the Bathroom Cabinet. I keep a stash of Garbage Bags in each Bathroom that I frequent (and I mean frequent, since next week I'll be 43, and, well, that's enough of that...), and whenever the garbage starts to overflow, you can easily grab a bag, empty the garbage, and make your way around the house to empty all the rest of the garbage that needs to go. (Not your spouse -- they get sooo testy. Very tempermental.)

Yahoo! I'm done my writing, so now I can go and have my Caramel Apple! I'll meet you in the Marina, some time, and you can have a bite of mine -- maybe the last bite, since I'm very fond of the caramel part, and the apple just gets stuck to the caramel, so you might as well eat it...! ha,ha! Oh, and that's Marina Del Ray, one of my favorite places on the planet, and the chocolate shop is in a wee plaza down there, where I hope to be at some time in my Future. Okay, gotta go. Thanks for swingin' by for a wee visit -- it's always lovely to see you! (Don't worry, I'm not leering at you, merely looking with intent...) Love & Laughter (and Money??!), Ailsa

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Hey, you can help spread the word about my Site -- here's a new 'Tell A Friend' that my friend James made for me. He's been working away to teach me some new things for my website that I desperately need to learn to make the improvements I really want. Oh, and don't feel restricted by the whole 'Tell a Friend' thing. You don't even have to really like someone to tell them about! What do I care? I'm just interested in loads and loads of people coming in for a visit -- maybe even buying something through the Site! And who knows??? Maybe they'll quit borrowing money from you by learning how to Manage their own money after reading my Articles! ha,ha! So here it is, and it's easy schmeasy to use!<

> Thank You!! Soon we'll be enormous! (And I don't mean just because of all the Caramel Apples, neither! ha,ha,ha!) Uh, oh... I see there's no apostrophe in the Friends Name Box -- must tell James! Rest assured ( I don't want you to lose sleep over this!), I do know it needs and 's... we'll fix it for you! See ya'! Ailsa

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