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At Home with Ailsa -- April, 2006.

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April 1st, 2006. Oh, FUD. Fud, Fud, Fud. I mean FOOD. I just learned that new word, "FUD". Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt. Hmmm, food for thought. Not as good as Chocolate, clearly, but a fun new word for me to play's the new 'F'-word for this Century.

Man, I had a bit of a 'Fud' night, last night. A little too much Fud, if you know what I mean. Surprising how quickly a Bottle of Gin can get to a girl... (yes, I am the 'girl' in this story, and yes, I am well aware of my advancing years... what's yer point??) Anyway, to make a really, really long story shorter, I woke up this morning with a slight hangover and a very large Tattoo. A few Piercings, too. Man, what was I thinking?? That's no way to hang on to my Youth, and I get that now.

To be fair to My Tattoo Artiste (I think that's what he wanted to be called...),or Arty or something like that... he did do a really good job. Very dignified and subtle. I started out with a 4 Leaf Clover, since they've always been lucky for me, and I feel like I'd like to get lucky more often, so that seemed reasonable. Then I thought a Love Heart around the 4-Leaf Clover would look nice, and then I'd be 'lucky in love', which sounds like a good idea.

You know that whole thing that Madonna has goin' on with the Kabbalah thing and the purple Body Suit? Well, it got me to thinkin', "What if she's right?". I mean, she's been right about many things, before, so why not now? (3/4 of the way through the Bottle of Gin at this point..)Anyhooo, the color purple seems to be very significant for Madonna, so I had 'Arty', if that was his real name, draw a purple circle around the Love Heart, to symbolize World Unity (see how lofty?). Then I couldn't quite remember whether she said purple or violet, so we added one more ring in violet, just to cover my bases.

Speaking of my 'bases', they're pretty much covered in ink, now. Mmmm. What to do, what to do? How much for Laser Removal, I wonder? And how long does it take for a Nose Ring hole to heal over? And the Eyebrow hole? Oh, I see a lot of 'Healing Time' in my future. There is an important lesson here, though, and I think I've learned it, albeit the hard way (that's how I learn things): Don't Drink & Tattoo. That should be on a Bumper Sticker somewhere, to help the Less Fortunate, like meself a week ago.

Okay. I have to go have a Hydrogen Peroxide Dip. It's the only way to cover all my bases... Oh, and Happy April Fools Day!! Lets hope you have lots of laughs, today!! Love, Laughter & Peroxide! Ailsa

Wanna tell yo' friends about my new Tattoo'ssss?? Use this easy schmeasy Tell A Friend Button. Finally, proof that you gots a sense of humor, and you can use the computer...!

The best way to get the word out about a new Website is by 'Word of Mouth', or in our case, by e-mail! I'd love it if you dropped a line to your Friends & Family about -- many thanks in advance! Ailsa <


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And Now for the Schmoldy Oldies...

Friday, April 1st, 2005. Hey! I'm so glad you popped in. You'll never believe what just happened! We just sold our house -- all by ourselves! Man, I can't believe our luck... we got $20,000. over our Asking Price, on the condition that we move out by Sunday.

The people who bought it are soooo nice -- beautiful Leather Outfits with Matching Jackets. I don't know who does their Embroidery, but it was very neatly done. I'm sure you could see the Emblem a mile away. And leather like buttah'...gorgeous.So it turns out they were cruising through the neighborhood last weekend, looking for a big house with lots of light where there'd be 'plenty of room to grow'. They seemed very, very interested in that.

They loved the Spacious Living Room and Kitchen -- room for the whole gang to come over for a party, they said. We love parties, too, so we could totally relate to that! And they thought the Circular Driveway was perfect for Wheelies and whatnot. Who doesn't love doing wheelies, right?? Reminds you of your childhood.

The only thing I thought was a little disappointing was their reaction to all my lovely drapes -- they're planning to put up some 'black out curtains'. They are useful in keeping down the Air Conditioning Bills, so that does make sense, I suppose. Well, anyway, I shouldn't worry about that. I've got plenty of Twenties and Hundreds to count up today, since they said they had done very well in their last Deal, and had plenty of Cash to buy the house. Wasn't that lucky??

So Dwight has found us a lovely New Home that we can stay in until we get around to building again. It's not too far from here (about 45 minutes straight out on the Prairie), called Sha-Tow Urrown Estates. Sounds beautiful. Dwight says he snagged the place for a great Price and it comes with it's own Boat Parking Area -- a Hook at the End of the Building -- very handy if there's a Flash Flood, which occasionally happens at the end of April. Luckily, Dwight loves Boating, and we like to swim, so it should work out well. Dwight says I'm going to love the Brickwork on the Corners of the 'Movable Structure', as Dwight keeps calling it. Cinder Blocks, and for the most part, quite even. Anyway, he thinks there should be enough to hold the place up...

Well, I better go get packing. I've gotta clear out the Garage right away so they can drop off 'a few packages' early, and they need their Electrician to pop by to install a few extra lights and make some adjustments to the Electrical Panel. They're probably putting in a pool -- that's what I wanted to do, too! Lovely Fellows, every one of them. I'm sure our Neighbors are going to love them all, and they'll be able to continue our Tradition of our great big Get Togethers. Hope they do all right with all the Condo Bylaws... well, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Seeee Ya', Baby!! I gots ta' go!!

Have a Little Fun, today!! Ailsa

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And now for the First April Fools Day 'Installment'...!!

Thursday, April 1st, 2004. Good morning, Folks. I'm in shock, this morning... I just got up and found a note on the Dining Room Table -- it was from Dwight. He's finally done it, after years and years of threatening and holding it over my head... he's run off to join the Circus. I knew it would probably happen one day, but I didn't see it happening, today. How ironic, with April Fools, and all... I went to check the Closet, and all his stuff is gone -- the Leotards, the Tutus, those stooopid Clown Shoes -- everybody knew they were too big for him -- who was he kidding?? What a Clown! The Note said he had to," follow his Dream, his pasion" (Dwight never could spell...), and become a Trapeze Artist. Artist my ass -- all they do is hang about all day, but I suppose he is good at that -- plenty of practice, anyway.

Well, I better go clean up -- what a mess -- I think some of his friends must have swung by to pick him up -- what a load of Clowns -- and never enough seatbelts for them all in their stupid wee car, either. I hope the Cops nab them and their crazy little Monkeys, too. Those are the worst Outfits I've ever seen -- half their behinds are hanging out, for Goodness Sake.

Well, I'll tell you -- it's for the'll be good to get that little monkey off my back, at least until next week when he'll be angry about being demoted to 'Pet Patrol', which is just a fancy euphanism for 'Pooper Scooper' -- I hope it's in the Elephant Tent! Now that'll show him!

I need to go collect my thoughts and find the Insurance...

Happy April Fools! Go have a leettle bit of fun, today!! ha,ha,ha,ha! Ailsa!

Stay Good, Baby! Ailsa

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Quick Cleaning Tip: Here's your quick Cleaning Tip, and it really does make things a wee bit easier, and perhaps you'll be more likely to clean the bathrooms more often... Keep a pile of Large Garbage Bags in the Bathroom Cabinet. I keep a stash of Garbage Bags in each Bathroom that I frequent (and I mean frequent, since next week I'll be 43, and, well, that's enough of that...), and whenever the garbage starts to overflow, you can easily grab a bag, empty the garbage, and make your way around the house to empty all the rest of the garbage that needs to go. (Not your spouse -- they get sooo testy. Very tempermental.)

Yahoo! I'm done my writing, so now I can go and have my Caramel Apple! I'll meet you in the Marina, some time, and you can have a bite of mine -- maybe the last bite, since I'm very fond of the caramel part, and the apple just gets stuck to the caramel, so you might as well eat it...! ha,ha! Oh, and that's Marina Del Ray, one of my favorite places on the planet, and the chocolate shop is in a wee plaza down there, where I hope to be at some time in my Future. Okay, gotta go. Thanks for swingin' by for a wee visit -- it's always lovely to see you! (Don't worry, I'm not leering at you, merely looking with intent...) Love & Laughter (and Money??!), Ailsa

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Friday, April 7th, 2006. Hi, Honey. You're Home! Where have you been all night, hmmm? Whaaat? With that Skank, again... I mean, 'your friend'... No, no. What you do when you're not reading my site is completely up to you, I just want to make sure you're safe and making good decisions -- one of us has to make a Good Decision, and it might as well be you, since I'm not that good at them (good decisions...). Plus, who has that kind of time, to think things through and know what they're doing? Seems like a lot of work...

Speaking of Decision-Making, I'm sure you're familiar with some of the things you'll hear from folks to keep you from making any changes -- "Oh, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", and "Don't go, you'll never make it" (I think that's right... I know I've heard it, almost daily...). Anyhoo, that whole 'grass is always greener' thing really drives me nuts -- often the grass is greener, and how would you know if you didn't try something new? And let's say it isn't necessarily greener, but it's a 'better shade of brown' (it's been brown in my neck of the woods since, oh, November, and what I would do to see some Green Grass ...), wouldn't that be good? Gooder than good?? (Them Degrees in English is real easy to get, these days...that's how I gots me two, but one's fer teachin' English, not jest learnin' it...)

Oh, hey. Have you ever had a visitor to your house that you, yourself, didn't invite, but there they are, and you can't get rid of them? Oh, so much fun. Always delightful. And the droning isn't annoying at all. No, no. Tell me more about your physical ailments, and if you don't mind, go into great detail, especially the gory bits. Care for another cookie? Glass of Gin? Bullet? Whatevah'...

I'm thinking about making my house a Nut-Free Zone. You know, like the schools are all Nut-Free Zones for people with Nut Allergies.... well, I could make a wee sign (I can't draw it myself, or I'll look like the Resident Nut, and then they'll think,"Oh, there's more like me inside... I just have to tap lightly on this door on a 5400 square foot house, and surely they'll come a-runnin'..."; pet peeve of mine. Come on, now. Ring the Doorbell. I might not be standing right at the door when they come over... where is that damn Zantax?). Anyway, I could make a sign like my No-Smoking Sign that has a cigarette with red circle and an angry red line right through it. I could draw a happy face with a wiggly smile and googly eyes (to show the nutty part), then the standard angry line-through circle, then post it on the door. People would love that, and then my popularity would go through the roof. I think. I haven't really projected into the future, because it's so far away, 'n all, but I think that's how it would play itself out...

So Dwight just finished the very last stages of installing the Steam Machine for the Steam Room that he insisted he couldn't live without in this house, and cost an extra $15 Grand to put in... and we've only been here for 3 and a half years, so you can see what a panic it was to get it up and running. He ended up going in by himself because I'm not clear on what you're supposed to wear in there (I think it's a 9' X 5' steam room, completely tiled with a bench seat on either side, so seating for Four, like at Restaurant...), and frankly, I couldn't be bothered with it. I chose to watch Craig Ferguson on The Late, Late Show, instead, and I'm pretty sure I made the better choice. I definitely had more laughs...

Before I forget to mention it, my Lovely Daughter, Cara, arrived back safely from her Graduation Trip to Scotland. She had a great time and really enjoyed the Pubs and the Beaches. Lots of beautiful Beaches in Scotland, in case you've always wondered about that! ha,ha! Now we have to start planning our next vacation! We'll put some more trees in around the house, first, as soon as the ground thaws out from the everlasting winter, and see how much money we have left after all that gardening!

Go make some good decisions, today, or maybe put them off 'til tomorrow so you can do your 'bad decisions', today ... that sounds like more fun, don't it?? ha,ha! Love, Laughter and Lots of Dough (pastry or money -- good either way!), Ailsa

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Hey, you can help spread the word about my Site -- here's a new 'Tell A Friend' that my friend James made for me. He's been working away to teach me some new things for my website that I desperately need to learn to make the improvements I really want. Oh, and don't feel restricted by the whole 'Tell a Friend' thing. You don't even have to really like someone to tell them about! What do I care? I'm just interested in loads and loads of people coming in for a visit -- maybe even buying something through the Site! And who knows??? Maybe they'll quit borrowing money from you by learning how to Manage their own money after reading my Articles! ha,ha! So here it is, and it's easy schmeasy to use!<

> Thank You!! Soon we'll be enormous! (And I don't mean just because of all the Caramel Apples, neither! ha,ha,ha!) Uh, oh... I see there's no apostrophe in the Friends Name Box -- must tell James! Rest assured ( I don't want you to lose sleep over this!), I do know it needs and 's... we'll fix it for you! See ya'! Ailsa

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