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A Message from Jim Gaffigan, just for you... and me, and anyone else we can reach...

If you haven't seen My Boys, starring Jim Gaffigan, you gotta start watching it -- it's hilarious, really well written and great actors -- especially Jim Gaffigan, of course! And, yes, Jim Gaffigan is that guy who played Ellen DeGeneres's's old High School Boyfriend on her old Ellen Sitcom Show... and he's hilarious as a Stand Up Comic, too! We're lucky enough to have his special messages on my Site, so stay posted for his next brilliant insights as we move into the Fall. Click Here to Order Jim Gaffigan's new DVD. Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale <Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale >

<> <Download Comedy Central Stand-Up on iTunes>

New Special Message from our Hot Pocket Lovin' Pal, Jim Gaffigan...

Reasons Why I’m Glad Summer is Over

There are many reasons to cheer the end of summer, not just the return of Pale Force on Monday September 24th. Here are the reasons I (Jim Gaffigan!) gave Entertainment Weekly that I’m happy summer is over:

No more sunscreen:
For pale people like myself, putting on sunscreen is no simple task. It’s a chore. Once when my wife and I were on vacation, she said she was going to the beach and I told her I would meet her down there after I put on sunscreen. I actually got down to the beach a year later. True story. During the summer pale people also have to make sure they get everything covered in that greasy goo. I always miss a place and have a pink smudge tattoo for a week. Or just my ears are sunburned. Very attractive.

No More Legs:
The shorts get put away. Believe me, you don’t want to see my legs. Hell, I don’t want to see my legs. When I wear shorts people look at me like, “Hey, I’m trying to eat here and you’ve got those sausage legs”. Fair enough. But frankly, I don’t want to see your legs either. First of all most legs are just as bad as mine. And the ladies with the really nice legs? Excuse me, I’m trying to concentrate on being a good husband and you are taunting me as you casually walk by on your cell phone filling my head with impure thoughts. How dare you, Madam!

No more outdoors:
During the summer there is way too much pressure to do things outside. “It’s sunny. We should do something outside!” Hey I’ve been outside. It’s not that great. Outdoor activities always tend to interrupt my napping and watching of Law & Order marathons.

No more crocs:
Somewhere along the way this summer, adult men decided they would look good in those shoes obviously designed for toddlers or Martha Stewart. They were wrong and unfortunately it will take a change of season to get the dorks out of these garish eyesores. Maybe when it’s a little chillier we won’t have to be subjected to the 40-year-old guy in purple Crocs. Unfortunately, we are now entering “the men in clogs” part of the year, immediately followed by the even more upsetting “Men in Uggs” season. Ugg! I don’t care if “They’re comfy”. You look like you robbed a teenage girl.

Nothing gets done during the summer:
I don’t care what business you are in, everyone seems to view summer as a three-month vacation. The prevailing attitude seems to be “Well it’s summer so I’m not gonna do any work”. In the entertainment business it’s even worse. All summer I seem to hear, “I’m going on vacation and then my boss is going on vacation, so I’ll give you an answer in November.”

More Bacon:
Now that summer is over I can finally enjoy eating tons of bacon.
Sure I always eat a lot of bacon, but during the fall it seems to tastes better. Let’s be honest, bacon is more enjoyable to eat in a sweatshirt than in a bikini. Maybe that’s just me. Boy, do I love me some bacon.

My Fall Tour:
Catch me this fall starting in Philly Sept 29th, where I promise to continue to talk about the important issues of the day like bacon, escalators, hammocks and of course, Hot Pockets. Additionally, shows have been added in Portland, Minneapolis and Seattle.

I love you and fall,

Jim

Here is a Pale Force widget for you to add to your Facebook, Myspace page, blog or you can just print it out and stare at it.

P.S. Facebook (James Gaffigan), IMDB, Demand me, Real Ringtones
P.P.S. If you are coming to one of the shows, LET ME KNOW by leaving me a comment on my tour image!

Sept. 21st, 2006.

JUDGE ME!

Don't get me wrong, I know you already do. But now I'm really opening up. Well, kinda.

I always get nervous when people ask me what type of music I like. I always get a flash of panic. "Uh, I like what you like, that's why we are friends. Did you get a haircut?" I feel my musical taste is private and usually temporary. Additionally, I think I might be the only actor or comedian who secretly does NOT want to be a musician. Hey, I can't get in that kind of shape. Well anywho, about two months ago I was asked to submit a celebrity playlist to Itunes. Yeah, I know, I don't consider myself a celebrity either. Anyway, I did it secretly thinking I would get some free downloads or maybe an Ipod or something. I got nothing, but your inevitable judgment.

I don't know how to do a link to my playlist but if you go to itunes and search "Gaffigan" it should come up. Or go to the Comedy page of Itunes and it should be in button on the top.

Judge away and know I love you.

Jim

PS - If you are really in a judging mood, rent The Great New Wonderful from Netflix.
I have a great part.

PPS - When you're done judging, be demanding. I'm figuring out cities for my Winter tour (Jan 07-Apr 07). I'd love your input. Click DEMAND IT and tell me where you want me to perform! (it's free and takes 20 seconds to do)

PPPS - Due to popular demand, a SECOND SHOW has been added to Ft. Lauderdale at the Parker Playhouse on October 7th. Second shows have also been added for NYC, BOSTON and ST. LOUIS.

Letterman (11:35pm on CBS), June 27th, 2006.

Hey, I will be on Letterman TONIGHT (June 27) at 11:35pm to plug "The Great New Wonderful". Anne Hatheway is also on the show. Hope she doesn't hit on me again.

By the way, most of the fall tour dates are now on sale.

I love you,

Jim

A Special Message from Jim Gaffigan, May 23rd, 2006. It's all heartfelt and warm...

I'm Pissed!

Excuse my French, but I'm so tired of people using email blasts for advertisements. It's disgusting!

Like if you opened this and realized this was a reminder for my One Hour Special that re-airs tonight Tuesday May 23rd at 10pm Eastern and Wednesday May 24th at 7pm Eastern on Comedy Central. It pisses me off. You don't want to read that. Sure a couple of you might want to DVR or TIVO it or throw a party, but most everyone has seen it. Everyone knows the cool people have seen the special and the really cool people have seen it twice, but that doesn't mean you need to read an email blast about the Special.

I'm sure you are like me, my time reading email is for embracing life. I don't want to be encouraged to get tickets to some great show that my friend is putting on in Northern California or Atlanta or Louisville before it's sold out.

You don't need to be encouraged to look at new videos on a friend's page. You are busy that's why you're reading an email blast right now. I remember when email blasts were just for good things like surveys and asking people to look at half naked pictures. I'm also pissed about people having too many artwork and photo hyper-links in email blasts.

I love you,

Jim

See you in Santa Rosa, Saratoga and Sacramento, CA June 2-4th!

Thanks for making Beyond the Pale the 4th highest selling comedy CD for the past EIGHT weeks on iTunes! The distributor of has asked me to compile locations of those stores that didn’t have the CD or DVD of Beyond the Pale in stock. For example, the Wal-Mart in Topeka on Maple Drive didn’t have the CD or the Best Buy in the Houston Galleria didn’t have the DVD. You get the idea...

Official Easter CD! WIN a FREE Autographed DVD!

And here's the latest 'Easter Message' from Comedian Jim Gaffigan, who's DVD is hilarious -- make sure to watch the 'Dinner with Jim' -- you'll laugh yourself silly, and enjoy a Hot Pocket at the very same time...

A Letter from Pope Benedict

I realize many of you thought I was joking in my previous message about the Pope making my CD, "Beyond the Pale", the official Easter CD. Well I have proof. Check out this letter:
From the Vatican, Rome, Europe:

EXTREMELY CONFIDENTIAL!

(I'm only sharing it with you cause I know you won't tell anyone)

Dear Jim or should I say future Saint Jim,

I was out Poping today in some Eastern European city with a “C” and “Z” in the name, and who should approach me but none other than Nelson “Nelly” Mandella, the former head honcho of South Africa . Well, Nelly and I head back to my Popemobile and begin to play a fierce game of Candyland. Suddenly, Nelly starts talking about you.

“Hey Pope Benny, have you heard Jim Gaffigan's new CD “Beyond the Pale? I was listening to it with Bono, Vladimir Putin and some other important guy and we just loved it. I really think it should be the official Easter CD".

I told Nelly that I've already made "Beyond the Pale" the official Easter CD where if people buy it or give to someone for Easter they will be absolved of all their sins and have good luck for a year. Anyway, have a good one.

Popefully yours,

Pope “Eggs” Benedict

P.S. Jim, I would like to thank you for not using this sacred holiday as some device to shamelessly peddle your wares or your upcoming appearances in DC, Denver, Phoenix, Kalamazoo, Agora Hills, CA and Santa Rosa, CA.

A Special Easter Message from Jim Gaffigan... (Yes, this was da' first one...)

As you know, every Wednesday night I go bowling with Pope Benedict, Wolf Blitzer and Jared from the Subway commercials. Well, whoever gets high score of the night decides the bar we go to afterwards. Pope Benny chose Bennigan's, as usual, and proceeded to get pretty drunk.

Around midnight, Pope Benny turned to me and said, “I talked to Jesus and he loves your CD, Into the Pale”. I corrected him that the title is Beyond the Pale and he was like “Whatever it's called, we're making it the Official Easter CD. We think it would look good in an Easter Basket.” Later he said, “If you buy me a drink, I'll talk to the big guy about making Beyond the Pale the official Passover and Ramadan CD, too”.

Wanna WIN a FREE autographed DVD? Just submit a picture of yourself buying the CD of Beyond the Pale at one of the stores (If the store doesn't carry the CD, send a photo of yourself telling the manager/sales staff to get it in stock and let me know what store didn't have it). We will send a FREE autographed copy of the DVD to the three most creative photographs of someone buying the CD. Submit your photos to photo@jimgaffigan.com. DEADLINE for photos to be submitted is 11:59pm EST on April 15th, 2006.

- Jim

The CD and DVD "Beyond the Pale" are available at Wal-Mart (CD Only) <Visit Wal-Mart's Academy Awards Shop>
Best Buy, Borders Stores, Hastings Entertainment , Barnes & Noble,
Tower, Virgin, FYE, Coconuts, Specs, Strawberries and other fine stores.

Click Here to Order Jim Gaffigan's new DVD. Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale
<Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale >

And now a Special Valentine's Message from Jim Gaffigan ...

I'm always thrown what to get the wife for Valentine's day. I've made
bad choices in the past. She didn't see the irony of the broom as a
gift. I guess this year I could go to Vermont Teddy Bear and get her the
Hot Pocket Bear, but we do have two children under the age of two so we
change enough diapers. There's always the heart shaped box filled with
the gamble chocolate, but I always get in trouble for putting back the
pieces I don't like half eaten. I could go with negligee, but she's seen
me in a thong before. I guess I'll just go to Wal-Mart and get her my
new CD. (Don't tell her- I'm charging it to her credit card.)

Thanks so much to everyone who bought my new CD or DVD of "Beyond the
Pale". After 4 days the DVD is presently number 10 of Amazon's top
selling comedy DVD's. Unbelievably it's presently beating The 40Year
Old Virgin (#11). I don't know if the $8.99 price is influencing it -
but thanks. I really appreciate it.

Click link below to order the CD or DVD online.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000C20VIW/qid=1135063490/sr=12/ref=sr_
1_2/103-7584213-3548627?s=dvd&v=glance&n=130

Jim

The CD and DVD "Beyond the Pale" are available at Wal-Mart (CD Only) <Visit Wal-Mart's Academy Awards Shop>
Best Buy, Borders Stores, Hastings Entertainment , Barnes & Noble,
Tower, Virgin, FYE, Coconuts, Specs, Strawberries and other fine stores.

Click Here to Order Jim Gaffigan's new DVD. Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale
<Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale >

If you missed the latest installment of Pale Force from last Wednesday's Conan appearance:
http://www.jimgaffigan.com/paleforce_hq.shtml

<><> These are better Valentine Gift Choices, so you can stay in your Relationship...!

< > Ailsa's Favorite Books

All upcoming Theater Dates
- Open to all ages.
- Tickets for March Theater Dates go on Sale January 27th.

UPCOMING APPEARANCES:

Comedy Connection Saugus, MA– Boston,Ma Feb 8th
Comedy Connection Providence, RI Feb 9th
Comedy Connection Boston, MA Feb 10-11
Improv – Tampa, Fl Feb 23-26th
Private Corp Event – Atlanta, GA Feb 28
Moore Theater – Seattle, WA Mar 3rd
Alladin Theater – Portland, OR Mar 4th
Capitol Theater Columbus, OH Mar10th
The Uptown, Kansas City, MO Mar 11th
Michigan Theater, Ann Arbor, MI Mar 17th
Pantages Theater, Minneapolis, MN Mar 18th
Byham Theater, Pittsburgh, PA Mar 24th
The Egg, Albany, NY Mar 25th
Private Corp, Santa Barbara, CA Mar 31st
Palace of fine Arts, San Francisco, CA Apr 7th
TBD, San Diego, CA Apr 8th
Theater of Living Arts, Philadelphia, PA Apr 21st
Warner Theatre, Washington, DC Apr 22nd
Paramount Theater, Denver, CO Apr 28th
Celebrity Theater, Phoenix, AZ Apr 29th
Private Corp Event, Tuscon, AZ May 10th

More Words from Jim...

I’ve just returned from the Sundance Film Festival to promote the film
STEPHANIE DALEY where at least three times a day people would confuse
me for Philip Seymour Hoffman. It was really ridiculous. Just cause
I was wearing a CAPOTE sweatshirt and doing press for his film,
everyone assumes I’m Phil.

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I know he’s a good actor and handsome in a
Jim Gaffigan kind of way, but I’m not him. Sure I’ve had surgery to
look like Phil and I rummage through his garbage to get his old
clothes, but I’m my own man with my own one hour special January 29th
and a fancy re-designed website http://www.jimgaffigan.com .
(Unfortunately, philipseymorehoffman.com was already taken.)

Jim
http://www.myspace.com/jimgaffigan

P.S My Great-Great-Great Grandma’s Mom, who looks like Phil’s
Great-Great-Great Grandma’s Mom, thanks everyone for their vote in the
Comedy Central Stand Up Showdown. She said I should remind everyone
you can vote every day. http://www.comedycentral.com/events/SUSD/

P.P.S Don’t tell my wife I’m not Philip Seymour Hoffman

P.P.P. The amazing re-designed of my website was done by Erin at gigglechick.com

Click Here to Order Jim Gaffigan's new DVD coming out this Feb. 7th, Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale
<Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale >

Jim Gaffigan Bunch of New Tour Dates:

I’m really not one of those people who is star struck by celebrities,
but occasionally my line of work allows me to meet a real legend.
Yesterday I took my daughter and son to a very special event and I had
the opportunity to meet the ACTUAL Cookie Monster. He was a lot
taller in person and sounded a bit out of breath, but there he was
covered in his blue fur and holding a giant cookie. He really took
to my kids but seemed a little aloof towards me. It was also weird
when he asked my wife to have a drink and for some reason had a thick
Jamaican accent. They’re never the same in person as they are on TV.

All upcoming Theater Dates
- Open to all ages.
- Tickets for March Theater Dates go on Sale January 27th.

Jim
http://www.myspace.com/jimgaffigan

P.S My Great Great Great Grandma’s Mom thanks everyone for there vote
in the Comedy Central Stand Up Showdown. She said I should remind
everyone you can vote every day.
http://www.comedycentral.com/events/SUSD/

COMEDY CENTRAL ONE HOUR SPECIAL JAN 29TH 9pm!!!

Jim Gaffigan Needs a Favor!

As you know, I’m not one to toot my own horn. You’ll never hear me
bragging about how I sold my old winter coat to a homeless guy or that
I’ve given strippers dollar bills. It’s not my style to ask for
praise. I’m really all about giving, but now I have to ask a favor.
It’s not for me, it’s for my Great, Great, Great Grandma (she’s 150
years old). Well, it’s her birthday and I said, “Since your 150,
I’ll get you anything you want that is under 5 bucks”. Guess what she
wants? She wants me to ask you to vote for me on the Comedy Central
Stand Up Showdown. Happy Birthday Great, Great, Great Grandma.

http://www.comedycentral.com/events/SUSD/

Jim
http://www.myspace.com/jimgaffigan

P.S. She could die in the next couple weeks so if you could, don’t
let her last wish go unfulfilled. No pressure.
P.S.S My Great Great Great Grandma’s Mom said I should remind you can
vote every day.

Click Here to Order Jim Gaffigan's new DVD coming out this Feb. 7th, Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale
<Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale >

Tell a Friend about Jim's hilarious messages, and the Vote on Comedy Central.

A Special Happy New Year (or is it??) Message from Jim Gaffigan

I’m so tired of those “crazies” stuffing this “Happy New Year” crap
down my throat. “Happy New Year, Jim” or “You’re good in bed, Jim.
Have a good New Year.” Hey, it’s YOUR new year, not mine, buddy! How
do you know when I end my year? Please don’t t tell me when to end my
year! How arrogant of you to think that I go by the same calendar.

How do you think the, what?, over one million Chinese feel hearing
“Have a good new year” a month before they get their year-end bonuses?
How about those Roman gods? Ya think that half horse-half human god
likes dealing with your old fashioned 12-month calendar?

Happy New Year?! I just live here, buddy! I’m not like the rest of
you, brainwashed into some western calendar. That is, if it really is
a calendar. I don’t think the founding fathers wrote anything about
“and ye ye we endorsthe happy new yearye.” Well they might have wrote
that, but nothing about leap year! Interesting, huh? No leap year
comment? Tell me that isn’t a conspiracy? Or something . . . odd?

Sure, some of you might think I’m being sensitive, but I think we
should start saying, “Happy New Year OR Have a Good One.” You know
what? Just get rid of this “Happy New Year” business. It takes too
much energy to say those three words. Plus I don’t even think people
mean it and the holiday has gotten completely commercialized anyway.
There, I said it. You might think I hate America or Jesus or Oprah,
but I don’t care.

Anyway, “Have a good one”
Jim Gaffigan

Click Here to Order Jim Gaffigan's new DVD coming out this Feb. 7th, Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale
<Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale >

I’ve just returned from the Sundance Film Festival to promote the film
STEPHANIE DALEY where at least three times a day people would confuse
me for Philip Seymour Hoffman. It was really ridiculous. Just cause
I was wearing a CAPOTE sweatshirt and doing press for his film,
everyone assumes I’m Phil.

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I know he’s a good actor and handsome in a
Jim Gaffigan kind of way, but I’m not him. Sure I’ve had surgery to
look like Phil and I rummage through his garbage to get his old
clothes, but I’m my own man with my own one hour special January 29th
and a fancy re-designed website http://www.jimgaffigan.com .
(Unfortunately, philipseymorehoffman.com was already taken.)

Jim
http://www.myspace.com/jimgaffigan

P.S My Great-Great-Great Grandma’s Mom, who looks like Phil’s
Great-Great-Great Grandma’s Mom, thanks everyone for their vote in the
Comedy Central Stand Up Showdown. She said I should remind everyone
you can vote every day. http://www.comedycentral.com/events/SUSD/

P.P.S Don’t tell my wife I’m not Philip Seymour Hoffman

P.P.P. The amazing re-designed of my website was done by Erin at
gigglechick.com

All upcoming Theater Dates
- Open to all ages.
- Tickets for March Theater Dates go on Sale January 27th.

UPCOMING APPEARANCES:

Comedy Connection Saugus, MA– Boston,Ma Feb 8th
Comedy Connection Providence, RI Feb 9th
Comedy Connection Boston, MA Feb 10-11
Improv – Tampa, Fl Feb 23-26th
Private Corp Event – Atlanta, GA Feb 28
Moore Theater – Seattle, WA Mar 3rd
Alladin Theater – Portland, OR Mar 4th
Capitol Theater Columbus, OH Mar10th
The Uptown, Kansas City, MO Mar 11th
Michigan Theater, Ann Arbor, MI Mar 17th
Pantages Theater, Minneapolis, MN Mar 18th
Byham Theater, Pittsburgh, PA Mar 24th
The Egg, Albany, NY Mar 25th
Private Corp, Santa Barbara, CA Mar 31st
Palace of fine Arts, San Francisco, CA Apr 7th
TBD, San Diego, CA Apr 8th
Theater of Living Arts, Philadelphia, PA Apr 21st
Warner Theatre, Washington, DC Apr 22nd
Paramount Theater, Denver, CO Apr 28th
Celebrity Theater, Phoenix, AZ Apr 29th
Private Corp Event, Tuscon, AZ May 10th

Jim Gaffigan's new DVD, BEYOND THE PALE, is now available for pre-order. Click
link below
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000C20VIW/qid=1135063490/sr=1-2/ref=
sr_1_2/103-7584213-3548627?s=dvd&v=glance&n=130
Only 10.99 and Includes:
- 68 minutes of stand up concert. An additional 20 minutes of
material not featured in Comedy Central One Hour Special (Jan 29)
- Mr. Chicago (short movie) – My tour around Chicago on day of the
DVD taping
- Eat Dinner with Jim (short movie) – Enjoy a hot pocket with me
- My First Stand Up Performance (1/27/91) - See me sweat
- How to Break into Stand-Up Comedy – I play a character with all the
answers
- A Short Cartoon of Jim
- Jim makes news

** To get info about Jim's upcoming TV/film appearances and future
tour
dates or to buy one of the CD's check out: http://www.jimgaffigan.com

Thanks for the laughs, Jim! We look forward to more laughs in the New Year...

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Nielsen family members have been influential in determining the popularity of television programs for over 50 years. Here's your opportunity to participate in Nielsen's panel for the Internet.
Today, we are asking a select group of people to join the Nielsen//NetRatings Internet Panel and help us chart the course of the world wide web of tomorrow. It's free, it's easy, and you could win a dream car, vacation, home makeover or $50,000 cash just for joining!!

Panelist's are asked to fill out a short profile and download our meter software to recieve surveys that will most interest them. Membership is free and all personal information will remain confidential. Members can expect to receive periodic surveys (and more chances to win prizes) via e-mail. <Join the Nielsen//NetRatings Research Panel and you could win $1,000! We're picking 50 lucky winners this quarter, and one could be you.>

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